It comes as no surprise; traveling with teenagers can be daunting. Gone are the days of scheduling a vacation and assuming everyone is on board. With a little planning and a shift in perspective, you can still have a family vacation with your teens where everyone comes home happy.
Have planning conversations before you book your trip
“It’s not unusual to try to recreate the magic of travel of when you were a child or what you did with your childhood. It’s easy to get your feelings hurt or feel rejected. Social media comparison is so easy, but setting aside the need to have an Instagram-ready vacation and instead planning your trip together can ensure you come home with memories you all treasure,” advises Beth Sherman, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist specializing in relationship issues.
Don’t surprise your teen with a vacation. Include them in the planning process and have conversations upfront with them about what kinds of things they are and are not interested in doing. They may have loved anything and everything when they were little, but that approach is likely to lead to frustration and arguments now that they’re older.
Talk to your kids about what they’re interested in doing, and explore multiple options. This doesn’t mean they get to decide everything about your vacation, but if your child hates the beach, don’t plan a trip where that’s the focus.
Think about types of vacations that may offer a variety of options that everyone will enjoy. Cruises include activities aimed at toddlers through retirees, so everyone can find something fun. All-inclusive resorts also offer a variety of amenities for those who want to lounge as well as those who want to go. Both tend to be relatively safe environments for teens to explore activities solo, as well.
“As parents, we often feel like we’re paying for it, and it’s our trip, and therefore we’re entitled to dictate the entire trip. Instead, think about your vacation as something that you’re paying for because it’s a gift to your family, and you enjoy their company, or you want them to experience something with you. It doesn’t mean they get everything they want, but you at least have that conversation so can all be on the same page before you ever head out,” says Sherman.
The same holds true for the activities you choose. You may want to maximize every minute of vacation, while your child may max out with more than one or two major activities in a day, or it might be the opposite. When you understand how much activity everyone can comfortably handle, this helps you plan your days in a way that everyone enjoys.
Recognize that teens often prefer experiences over sightseeing. Think of exploring caves in rainforests, cooking classes in new cultures or volunteering opportunities. Let them curate a few activities, even if they seem unconventional.
You also don’t have to spend every minute together. Teens crave independence, so build in solo exploration time while scheduling family activities they’ll enjoy. Be clear about ground rules and boundaries, but avoid micromanaging their every move.
Be sure to set your expectations and assumptions
Talk about how much time you expect to be together. Everyone has their own pace of how much they can tolerate in a single day. Some people believe that they are in a place and need to maximize every moment, while others get overwhelmed and don’t enjoy it because they’ve reached their limit.
You need to figure out if you slow down or do some things separately and what works for you. Don’t push too hard. In addition, when you’re staying in a hotel or other close quarters, it can be harder to find time and space to recharge your social batteries.
You may relax by scrolling on your phone, watching television or reading a book. Your teens may also scroll on their phones or chat with friends on social media, but they may also need to play video games, and that’s ok. Have the conversation in advance about what you’re comfortable with in terms of time and methods to relax, and don’t be a hypocrite. You can’t be upset with your kids being on their phones when you spend time doom scrolling on your phone, as well.
At the same time, talk about phone expectations for both you and your kids. Will some activities be device-free zones? Can they listen to music during downtime? Striking a balance between connection and present-moment engagement is key. If you have the conversation before you head out on vacation when no one is stressed from a long day, it is far easier than trying to set boundaries when everyone is stressed out from traveling.
If you go on a road trip or have a long flight, expect that your teens will be on their devices more than normal. “In the car, teens are going to be looking at their screens. If a scenic drive is your goal and they aren’t nature people, you’re setting yourself up for frustration,” according to Sherman.
You also need to accept that just because you’re on vacation doesn’t mean your teen’s personality magically changes. If they tend to be introverted at home, don’t force them into social butterfly mode. If you have a grumpy teen, this won’t change their personality, so have appropriate expectations about their mood and interactions.
Recognize your teens’ circadian rhythms
In addition to some people being go-go-go and others preferring to relax next to the pool with a book all day, members of your family are likely to have different sleep needs, too. It isn’t just a myth that teens generally like to sleep in.
If you plan early morning activities, that may lead to meltdowns for your teens. Once you start the day on a sour note, it gets hard to change the entire day to one where everyone enjoys their time. If you know it’s a struggle for your teen to wake up every morning for school, forcing them to get up early for vacation sets you up for failure.
Instead, create more flexible itineraries that cater to everyone’s energy levels. It’s ok if you get up early for coffee before your teens or schedule a sunrise balloon ride that you’ve always wanted to do. Let your teens sleep in and skip that if they aren’t into it.
On the flip side, you may be ready to wind down or go to bed earlier than your teens. Figure out a safe plan for them to enjoy themselves later in the evening, whether that is a teen club at a resort or gaming in your hotel room. As your teens get older, you may want or need to get a second hotel room or a larger space to allow for your different sleep schedules without disturbing anyone.
Remember that your vacation is meant to be fun
Acknowledge that your teen is no longer a child but a young adult with valid opinions and desires. Treat them as partners in planning and decision-making. This fosters trust, respect and a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
Focus on the big picture because things will go wrong on vacation. Let go of the picture-perfect vacation dream and embrace spontaneity, unexpected detours and laughter-filled moments over meticulously planned schedules.
By fostering open communication, respecting individual preferences and planning activities that spark genuine interest, you can turn your next family vacation into an experience that strengthens your bond with your teenager. You are likely to still have a few eye rolls and mumbled complaints along the way, but you can still have fun traveling with your teens even if it looks different from when they were little kids.
Michelle Price is a food and travel writer at Honest and Truly who almost has an empty nest. She loves to provide both the inspiration and the confidence you need to help get you into the kitchen and on the road to enjoy new flavors and experiences.