As kids head back to school, some parents begin a new life phase: Empty nesterhood. Whether you feel sad, excited or a bit of both, here’s why you should consider taking a solo trip when your kids leave the nest.
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Ah, back to school. That special season nestled between sun-drenched, carefree summer days and the cooler fall temperatures that ring the last-lap bell on the calendar year. You’ll find kindergarten parents wiping away a few tears, the smell of new crayons in the air, and middle school parents blowing out a sigh of relief.
But for a few million parents, this school year drops them off at the front steps of the next phase of life: Empty nesterhood. Whether your little fledgling is headed to a college campus, entering the workforce or taking a gap year to travel, you may find yourself standing at the crossroads of your new parental status, surprised you reached this point so quickly and wondering what step to take next.
A rollercoaster of emotions
Becoming an empty nester is an emotional whirlwind. Jennifer Osborn, from Blue Hill, Maine, shared her experience of her only child moving across the country: “No one prepares you for the loss that you feel when your nest is empty. It’s almost a visceral pain.” Similarly, Sonia Monahan in Boulder, Colorado, expressed, “The hardest thing for me was trying to redefine my identity, which had been so tied up in being a mother. That may sound strange coming from someone who worked full time, but my role in my family was the most important thing in my life.”
For many in the sandwich generation, empty nesterhood coincides with other significant life changes. Cherith Fluker from Birmingham, Alabama, experienced this: “When my youngest moved away, it was right after the pandemic and shortly after I had lost my parents. I felt a profound sense of emptiness. Home felt different, lacking the elements that once made it whole.”
But at the same time, most empty nesters feel immense pride and fulfillment as their children spread their wings and leave the nest. Michelle Price, an empty nester in Chicago, says, “I was not one of the moms who cried as they dropped their kids at school. I knew he was where he wanted to be and where he would thrive — and that I’ve done my job in raising a kid who’s ready to fly.”
The perks of an empty nest
Despite the initial emotional upheaval, many parents find a refreshing sense of freedom in an empty nest. Osborn encapsulates this sentiment: “While the empty nest has been painful, it has also been wonderful.” She continues, “The fact that I don’t need to get dinner on the table for anyone ever again if I don’t want to is freaking fabulous. I like to cook, but it just got to be such a chore.”
Fluker highlights the newfound spontaneity: “While I loved supporting my kids’ activities, I enjoy having more control over my schedule. Now, I can plan my days according to my preferences and priorities, which has been a refreshing change.”
Monahan added, “I like having more time to be involved in more activities of my own. For example, being on the board of my rowing club or having regular meet-ups with friends to go hiking. I put many of these on hold when the kids were younger.”
Flying solo
Just like the sleepless nights with a newborn and the difficult teenage years, empty nesterhood is an inevitable phase of parenting for most parents. While parents are generally proud of their children and happy for them to embark on their lives independently as young adults, Mom and Dad may still need time to work through the stages of grief — shock and denial that this day arrived so quickly, depression that weeknight dinners will never be the same, and acceptance of this new stage of life. This was certainly true for Kelly Francois of Ontario, Canada: “Grief isn’t just about losing someone, it can also be about losing something — like a busy household and dinner as a family every night. Becoming an empty nester can be a form of grief — especially when you are a single mom.”
Over the years that Francois has navigated life as a single mother, embraced empty nesterhood, and coped with unexpected loss, she has found solace in grief travel, which she defines as “travel during a time of grief.” She explained: “Travel lifts me from a dark spot and reminds me that there is still so much beauty in the world.”
Even if you aren’t feeling a deep sense of grief as your life as a parent experiences a seismic shift, solo travel can be a transformative experience. Price found solace in a solo road trip: “My first solo trip was visiting the East Coast after I dropped my kids at college. I enjoyed exploring at my own speed, listening to my own music and admiring new scenery. It was a great distraction after dropping the kids off.”
Fluker found healing at the beach. “When I became an empty nester, I took a solo trip to the beach, my favorite place in the world. The beach is so peaceful, and it’s where I can sit for hours just thinking and clearing my mind. This solo trip gave me the space to cry, pout and feel however I needed to feel without judgment or unsolicited advice. After the trip, I felt better because I had allowed my feelings the opportunity to be fully expressed. It was a cathartic and healing experience.”
Tips for a safe and successful solo trip
Traveling solo can be incredibly rewarding but safety is key. Monahan has several proven tips to ensure your solo trip is both safe and enjoyable. One of the most important tips is sharing a copy of your planned itinerary with someone and keeping in touch with them while you’re on your adventure. You’ll also want to secure valuables like your cash, credit cards and passport, and be extra aware of your surroundings. Monahan reminds solo travelers, “If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Get out of the situation, contacting the police if needed.”
Embracing your new status
As you navigate this new phase, embrace it with an open heart and mind. Fluker reminds empty nesters that “this is a time for self-discovery and growth, so make the most of it.” Osborn advises, “This is your time to be a kid again. Enjoy the heck out of it before you age into some illness or disability.”
Embarking on this new stage of life may feel daunting, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover yourself and find new joy and purpose. Embrace the adventure, fly your empty nest, and see where this exciting chapter takes you.
Sage Scott was bitten by the travel bug as a preschooler when her family moved abroad for the first time. Now settled in America’s Heartland, Sage is a travel writer, world wanderer and photographer whose favorite color is golden hour. Follow her adventures at Everyday Wanderer.