Are you constantly circling above your child, ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice? If so, you might be a helicopter parent. Let’s explore the signs and learn how to find a healthier balance.
What is helicopter parenting?
Helicopter parenting describes parents who are overly involved in their children’s lives, often to the point of controlling their every move. The term was first used by Dr. Haim Ginott in 1969 in his bestselling book “Between Parent & Teenager,” in which a teen complains: “Mother hovers over me like a helicopter.” After that, the phrase helicopter parent has been widely popularized and used since the late 1980s. While their intentions are usually rooted in love and concern, helicopter parents can inadvertently hinder their child’s ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills.
Causes of helicopter parenting
There are several factors that can lead to helicopter parenting. Fear of the unknown, heightened by a constant stream of alarming news about child safety, often drives parents to become overly protective. Additionally, societal pressures and the desire for their kids to succeed academically, socially and in extracurricular activities can compel parents to become overcontroling of their child’s life. Parental anxiety and a desire to ensure the best possible future for their kids can also contribute to this parenting style.
Signs you might be a helicopter parent
Wondering if you’re falling into the helicopter parenting trap? Here are some indicators:
- Over-scheduling your child’s life: Are you constantly filling your child’s schedule with extracurricular activities, leaving little room for downtime or free play?
- Constantly monitoring: Do you frequently check in on your child’s whereabouts, friends and schoolwork, even when they’re capable of handling these things on their own?
- Intervening in conflicts: Are you quick to step in and resolve your child’s conflicts with peers or teachers rather than allowing them to navigate these challenges themselves?
- Doing their work for them: Do you find yourself completing your child’s homework or projects to ensure they get good grades rather than letting them take responsibility for their work?
The impact of helicopter parenting on kids
Helicopter parenting can have several negative effects on kids, particularly in terms of their emotional and psychological development. Kids who are constantly monitored and controlled may struggle to develop independence, as they are not given the opportunity to make decisions or learn from their mistakes. This can lead to low self-esteem, as they may feel incapable of handling challenges on their own.
Effects on independence
Kids raised by helicopter parents often have difficulty becoming self-reliant. They may struggle with decision-making and problem-solving skills as they have become accustomed to their parents handling everything for them. As a result, these kids may become overly dependent on others and lack confidence in their abilities.
“As an elementary school teacher, over the years, I’ve observed the negative effects of helicopter parenting on kids. Helicopter parents have good intentions, but it can be hard for kids to make mistakes and learn from them when their parents are constantly hovering over them. I understand wanting to protect your children, but it’s important to let them learn and grow on their own sometimes.”
— Heidi Bruaw, Real Life of Lulu
Social and emotional challenges
Helicopter parenting can also impact a child’s social and emotional development. Children may struggle to form healthy relationships with peers as they are not used to navigating social situations on their own. They may also experience anxiety and stress because they feel pressured to meet their parents’ high expectations.
Long-term consequences
The long-term consequences of helicopter parenting can be significant. As these kids grow into adults, they may struggle with independence, self-esteem and decision-making. According to a study in the Frontiers in Psychology, kids raised by helicopter parents may experience higher levels of anxiety and depression, as they have not developed the coping skills necessary to navigate life’s challenges on their own.
How to dial back on helicopter parenting
The good news is that it’s never too late to make positive changes. Here are some steps to help you transition away from helicopter parenting:
- Encourage independence: Start by allowing your child to make age-appropriate decisions on their own. This could include choosing their clothes, managing their homework or deciding how to spend their free time.
- Let them fail: Kids need to experience failure and learn from their mistakes. Instead of rushing to fix their problems, give them the space to find their own solutions.
- Focus on communication: Open and honest communication is key. Talk to your child about their feelings, fears and goals and listen without judgment.
- Set boundaries: While it’s important to give your child independence, setting clear and consistent boundaries will help them understand the limits of their freedom.
One last thing
Helicopter parenting often stems from a place of love and concern, but it’s important to remember that giving your child the freedom to grow, learn and make mistakes is crucial for their development. By taking a step back and allowing your kids to navigate their own path, you can help them become confident, independent and resilient individuals.
Tamara Tsaturyan is the owner and writer of Thriving In Parenting, a website focused on providing simple tips for busy parents — easy and healthy recipes, home decor and organization ideas and all things parenting.