AI wants to fix your love life — but can it really be hacked?

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Artificial intelligence, or AI, is everywhere these days, from curating your social media feed to telling you which show to stream next. Now, AI is plunging head over heels into making love connections, but can an algorithm replace chemistry, intuition or the thrill of locking eyes across a crowded room? With Valentine’s Day around the corner, it’s worth considering whether these digital cupids have what it takes to help you find love.

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Is AI the key to finding love, or does romance still need a human touch? Discover how technology is changing the dating scene. Photo credit: Depositphotos.

The rise of algorithmic romance

Ask executives at any of the popular dating app companies and they’ll tell you AI is the matchmaker of the future. Apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge are leaning heavily on this technology to make matches smarter, faster and more convenient. They’re betting on AI becoming the ultimate tool for finding love.

“AI is going to transform the dating experience,” Tinder executive Bernard Kim said at a recent investors meeting, according to Financial Times. “It’s going to enable us to make all aspects of the online dating journey better.”

Grindr is developing an AI agent they’re calling a “wingman” to help users find love. Just think, before you even make contact, your AI wingman is already chatting up the other person’s wingman, gathering information that could save you time — and even call out red flags you might miss on your own. This advanced AI, which the company says will be available by 2027, will help users manage conversations, recommend date spots and even make reservations.

“I always knew that AI was going to be a really big deal, and as we saw where generative AI was going,” Grindr chief executive George Arison says. “I realized a lot of this extension stuff can actually be done by AI,” he added.

Hinge is developing an AI-powered dating coach that will act as a personalized guide, offering tips on everything from crafting the perfect profile to strategizing responses to tricky messages. The goal is to bridge the gap between users’ intentions — whether they’re looking for casual hookups or a serious relationship — and their execution on the platform.

Hinge founder Justin McLeod notes that dating can be overwhelming for users who feel unsure about their next steps. “Many people using the app don’t get that first match and don’t know why — whether it’s their photos, not sending enough likes or taking too long to ask a match on a date,” McLeod told CNN. “A dating coach can step in with personalized suggestions.”

An AI coach eliminates some of the guesswork and offers actionable advice in real time. McLeod is confident that AI will take online dating to a new level, “taking it from a do-it-yourself platform to an expertly guided journey that leads to far better outcomes and much better value to our daters.”

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Do algorithms know you better than you know yourself?

While dating app developers are honing their AI dating coaches, wingmen and other dating-related AI applications, there are still some big questions. One goes straight to the heart of the matter: Do these AI-driven tools deliver more effective results than good, old-fashioned human intelligence?

Even when you hand decisions over to AI, people’s natural tendency to hype themselves up — from slight exaggerations on their resumes to using selfie filters — creates a conundrum for dating AI applications. No matter how advanced the technology, algorithms can only work with what you tell them — and most of us aren’t fully honest, even with ourselves.

Numerous studies, like one from 2019 published in EPJ Data Science, show distinct differences between users’ stated preferences and their real-life interactions on dating platforms. You may say you’re into hiking, health food and deep conversations, but people who know you in real life know you’re all about late-night partying, instant ramen and sleeping until noon. Ideally, AI will be able to analyze your online activity to suss out the real you.

Many users believe dating apps have an edge in making romantic matches. According to Match.com’s 2024 Singles In America study, 32% of men and women who have used AI for online dating say it has helped them get better matches and meet potential partners faster. Additionally, a survey by Skim AI found that 47% of participants are willing to use an AI-powered dating app to find a long-term partner, and 54% prefer using AI to find matches.

AI’s ethical minefield

Whether or not AI can predict fireworks between two people, some worry that the cold precision of algorithmic technology is edging out the human touch in the very human pursuit of love. What’s more, there is a real risk of emotional manipulation that can cause trauma. When users believe they’re connecting with a real person only to discover it’s been AI all along, the emotional fallout can be significant, according to a study published in the Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication.

Some critics raise privacy concerns about AI in online dating, too. They wonder how much data people are giving these services and how that personal data is handled. Still, others worry that algorithms may inadvertently reinforce stereotypes and narrow the diversity of potential matches.

The future of romance, or just a passing fad?

Despite the concerns, AI-assisted dating is here to stay. Companies are pouring millions into developing AI-based features to help in every aspect of dating, from matching you with other users with similar interests and goals to crafting the perfect opening line and making brunch reservations for your first date.

While the tech keeps improving, many experts believe it will never fully replace the human element of dating. “AI can help you find options,” said Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science advisor for Match.com. “But the spark — that’s on you.”

Trust your gut

So, can AI really find your perfect partner? Maybe. It can suggest a date based on shared interests, assess compatibility based on user data and even give you tips for engaging in flirty DM banter. But the ultimate decision — the one that makes your stomach flip and your heart race — is a choice no algorithm can make for you.

This Valentine’s Day, let AI lend a hand in your pursuit of romance but remember to follow your instincts. After all, you can’t outsource falling in love.

Robin Donovan is the author of more than 40 cookbooks and the founder and creator of All Ways Delicious, a food site loaded with easy recipes for the best dishes from around the world. Her writing and recipes appear in major media outlets including Huffington Post, MSN, Associated Press, Buzzfeed, Cooking Light, PopSugar, Chicago Sun-Times, Fitness, Parade, Mercury News and many others.

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